Spiritual Discipline of Discipleship
Discipleship is something that we often file into the we-probably-should-be-doing category of tasks, with all the guilt of an uncompleted chore list. We know it’s a good thing to do, but it feels like work when we already have overfilled lives. As with any spiritual discipline, it’s important we keep our theology as the framework. “Unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers work in vain” (Ps 127:1a).
While we are called to “make disciples” (Matt 28:19), it’s important to remember who is doing the verbs so we don’t take on burdens that don’t belong to us. First, that justification is the work of Christ, and second, that sanctification is the work of the Holy Spirit (Explanation of Luther’s Small Catechism, #222 and #232). This should be a freeing word to us as we are called to disciple! God is doing the work, and we get to come along for the ride! Our efforts are not intended for the sake of their salvation, but for leading toward a good life under God’s grace.
I’ve found that the hardest part isn’t finding young people willing to be discipled (young people are often lining up begging to be mentored), it’s getting the older people to understand what discipleship actually is. When the older generation has a tough time understanding what discipleship looks like, they become very resistant to signing up.
It might be for good reason that they hesitate. “Mentorship” and “Discipleship” have been marketed through American Christian publishers for decades, framed in authoritative terms of “getting people to do something.” The message of Titus 2 has been twisted into a list of things to be followed. Discipleship is then reduced to training in the law, with the gospel as a minor starting point, rather than the ending point.
My family has developed and grown into a lifestyle of discipleship with many applicable lessons pulled from Titus 2.
“You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine” (Titus 2:1). In other words, we shouldn’t teach people what we think they should do; we are to teach them that God is doing the work. We are to live in anticipation and expectation that God will be faithful to do in them what he says he will do (Phil 1:6).
“For the grace of God… teaches us… to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives…” (Titus 2:11-12). The law can tell us what is good, like the definition of a noun. But grace is the verb of what is good. Grace in action is the work done in us and through us. Training someone in the law is like throwing a dictionary at them. It teaches vocabulary, which is good and necessary, but being trained by the gospel is like feeding them a hearty meal. And as with food, they need to be fed often.
Titus 2 is instruction for older men and women, not a command for young men and women to obey their mentors―and for good reason. We are imperfect, and lots of “advice” passed down is not good. I remember one older Christian woman trying to “train” me to manipulate my husband, using Titus 2 as a reason that I should trust her. No, the direction here is for older men and women to become “sound in faith,” and to “teach what is good” so as to be worthy of the trust of their disciples. I have learned that while I don’t have to earn the love of God, I do have to earn the right to speak into young people’s lives.
Looking to the model of Jesus and his disciples, we can learn how service is the entrance to discipleship. He ate with them, he prayed over them, and he washed their feet. We might bring them a loaf of banana bread, take them out to breakfast, or offer to babysit their kids. I’ve found serving in the nursery as an excellent way to connect with younger moms. They immediately see how much I care for their children, and I can naturally offer help when I see them struggling.
While there is some benefit to “putting people to work” in the church as a model of discipleship, many people show up just needing help. To bring young people into discipleship, we must begin with “washing their feet” and “serving them food” in whatever way is applicable to their lives.
Even as our children are starting to grow up and move out of the house, their friends have kept coming around for supper―and those friends bring their friends. We now have an open supper table, without a week going by without a young adult texting, “What’s for supper tonight?” The irony of this “work” is that we soon were blessed by those we were discipling at a much faster rate than we could bless them.
In our home, they see our flaws―see us argue as a family. But they’ve also hugged us after a heated moment, thanking us for showing them that having healthy boundaries in a family is possible. They’ve watched us mess up, forgive, repent, and move on in grace. All of this demonstrates for them the stability we can have because of the lavish grace of Christ in our lives.
They ask us for help choosing a job, picking a car, or working through reasonable relationship expectations. Each situation is an opportunity to build trust, and point them to Christ. The more we serve them, the more they trust us. And the more they trust us, the more they want to jump into our family and serve as well. Discipleship has woven itself into our family life and blessed us more than we knew possible.
As a spiritual discipline, discipleship is training others in the lavishness of grace that comes through Christ alone. It involves more listening, serving, and waiting, and less pushing our own agendas and wishes. God is already doing something in their lives. He’s already calling them. We just get to bear witness to it and encourage them along the way.
Gretchen Ronnevik is an author and a speaker. She is married to Knut and they have six children. They live on a farm in Minnesota and are members of Good Shepherd Lutheran Brethren Church in Fergus Falls, MN.