Artist Story: Beka Nadgwick
I confess, I used to criticize a lot of Christian music. I struggled with lyrics that felt inauthentic and theologically shallow. My playlists were filled with songs that were personal―raw and real. None of them were playing on the radio, and, I’ll admit, they didn’t all have great theology either, but they were songs that I could relate to as a believer living through the full spectrum of experiences, from joyful to painful. These songs pointed me to Jesus and led me into worship. Over time, I added some of my own.
I wrote songs about my anxiety, my depression, and their symptoms. I wrote about dissociation and the experience of nonlinear healing. I wrote about finding hope, about grace winning, about there being a tomorrow―daybreak at the end of the night. Writing songs from the depths of my painful experiences came naturally to me, so I started with one of my most painful. As a young teenager―overwhelmed by my unwieldy feelings, my sharp insecurity, and the intense experience of being a young girl―I began harming myself on purpose. This continued for several years before I asked for help and quit “cold turkey.” My loved ones pointing me back to Jesus, recognizing my big feelings as a gift from him, and memorizing scripture were all large factors in my healing. Today, as I write this, I haven’t self-harmed in over 10 years.
In college, I dabbled in writing songs mostly about love I had, love I wished I had, and love I had lost (don’t worry, I still write those songs), but I wanted desperately to write songs about my past experiences. I struggled to communicate both the pain of the experience as well as the gospel ending―the beauty of breaking apart and coming back together. So I wrote “Freckles and Scars,” then I wrote “Stay Alive Alice.”
The lyrics don’t quote or rephrase Scripture, or include the names of God or Jesus. It felt sufficient to consider them “Christian” songs because they were written by me, a Christian songwriter. As followers of Christ, our faith bleeds into everything! Isn’t that the hope and prayer of all of us? To follow the words Paul wrote in Colossians 3:15-17?
“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
As a songwriter, it is my prayer that I will be so well-steeped in the Word that Jesus just spills into everything I write, do, or say. I want this to be true for the fun, love songs I write for my husband, like “Blush,” or the songs I write about mental health, like “Blue Sky” and “Can I Be Happy Now?”. Even for the odd Christmas song I write.
Music is what life sounds like, from the good to the bad and to the ugly. If a human has experienced something, there is likely a song about it. We are made to be creative beings, following in our creative God’s footsteps. I write and sing of what God has done for me in my mental health journey, in the gift of my husband, and in the love God continues to put in my life. But it would be remiss of me to not also write of the pain, struggle, and grief that result from the sin in the world.
People need to feel understood, heard, and loved. They need to know they are not alone. I am not the only person who has self-harmed, dissociated in a car wash, or fallen in love. I am not the only person looking for hope, for rescue, and for love. Art brings people together. Music brings people together. We create together and consume art together. And God uses art just like he uses everything else―to work mysteriously for our good.
Beka Nadgwick is the Youth & Worship Director at Word of Life Church in both Le Sueur and New Prague, MN. Find Beka’s music HERE.